


unsaid

by hoodiestrings



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009, First Kiss, First Meeting, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:20:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27085492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoodiestrings/pseuds/hoodiestrings
Summary: Dan is afraid of saying things. Phil understands.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 20
Kudos: 54





	unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> i literally wrote this fic in an hour. i opened up a blank document and thought, 'yeah, we need to write something. what? i don't know'.
> 
> also, thank you to my beta, kat (@darlingdnp on twitter) for making this fic readable and fixing all my mistakes. i love you so much <3

**I**

The ticking of the clock is loud in his room, and even through Skype, Phil looks half-asleep. He has been filming a few videos - he had said earlier - and now Dan feels a little guilty for keeping him up so long. 

“You can go to sleep if you want,” he whispers, and a selfish part of him hopes Phil would say no.

Phil blinks, tired. His eyes snap up to him from where they were drooping. He looks cosy, warm. All messy hair and unfocused eyes and unguarded smile. He looks _beautiful,_ and for one scandalous, terrifying moment, Dan allows himself to think that.

“It’s fine,” Phil says, fights back a yawn but fails anyways “I want to hear your voice.”

Something stirs in his chest, something warm, pleasant. Something that makes him feel not so alone. It’s - it’s nice. He has never - he has never felt not alone, safe. He should be terrified. Maybe. Probably. He has been taught his entire life to be scared of this feeling he feels. At the bottom of his stomach, in his eyes, his lips. And it worsens every time he sees Phil behind a screen, stripped down of every mask.

“Dan,”

Phil’s voice is gentle. It brings him out of his mind. He was going in too deep. 

“We don’t have to -” 

His voice is still gentle, but more understanding now. And he sounds like he does when Dan’s thoughts get a little too loud. It’s just a synonym of _‘It’s okay. You can talk to me. Or we can pretend it never happened. Or you can leave. I’m there for you.’_ It’s like an escape. And Dan wonder when he grew to learn every version of Phil. And Phil learnt every part of him. 

“No,” he shakes his head. The clock is ticking. _Three a.m._ “We can talk.”

Phil nods. He is looking at him. He is looking at him with hooded eyes and _that_ smile. The warm, fond smile that looks like what a warm day of summer feels like. “Tell me something,” he says, words slurring together.

“I was,” he hesitates, then thinks _fuck it_ because its just Phil “I was thinking about what you said the other day. About my youtube channel.”

That gains Phil’s attention, “Oh? So you’re thinking? Interesting …”

Dan chuckles, looks at his fingers because looking into Phil’s eyes seemed too much, “I have an idea. And … how bad could it be, right?”

“Yeah,” Phil says, his words heavy with sleep but eyes bright “You should go for it. You are so talented, Dan, I wish you could see that.”

“Phil -”

Dan looks up. Phil’s asleep.

_I love you._

The clock continues ticking.

**II**

The trees blur together. It’s mesmerising, almost, in a strange way. His stomach feels heavy - a good heavy. Muse is blasting through his headphones, but he could hardly hear the words. Everything in his mind is a jumbled mess of thoughts he is too scared to think.

The song fades out, and the train pulls up to the station.

His fingers are trembling as he types out a message to Phil, _i’m here._

He stands on shaky feet, and his thoughts are loud. Louder than they have been in a while. Phil could’ve changed his mind. Phil could just text him now, saying he was a fool to believe him, that it was all a joke. He pushes them back. Someone behind him yells at him to move faster, and so he does with a numb kind of fear overruling his other senses. 

Phil hasn’t messaged him back.

He stands at the middle of the station and looks around for the familiar mane of hair. But he isn’t anywhere. There’s panic settling over his heart and his breathing is quickening because _he is not here, he is not here, he is -_

“Dan!” 

And then he is pulled to a chest and he still couldn’t _breathe._ But it’s okay, it’s all okay, because Phil’s here, and Phil’s _hugging_ him and he smells like cinnamon and he is _beautiful, beautiful, beautiful._

“Phil,” he chokes out, and there are tears burning in the back of his eyes he doesn’t blink away. “ _Phil,”_ he breathes out, shaking for a whole different reason now, and clutching onto his shirt so tight he feels like the fabric would tear. But it’s _fine._ It’s fine because Phil is hugging him back as tightly and _he is here._

Someone bumps into them. They break apart. Phil’s eyes are red-rimmed and it makes Dan feel a little better.

_You feel like home._

“So, where to first?” he says instead.

**III**

The sky is darkening. Phil’s hand is in his, and Dan thinks back to the boys in school. He doesn’t pull away.

“Where are you taking me?”

Phil flashes him a grin. It’s warm and happy, and it makes Dan feel warm and happy too. “You’ll see,” Phil winks. Attempts to. Dan wants to laugh and reach out. He wants to do a lot of things. But he is still in awe. So he squeezes their hands together and smiles. 

Their steps match, and Dan tears his eyes away from their legs to the giant wheel in front of them.

“Oh,” 

Phil gives him another smile, this one a lot more subdued than the other. “Do you not want to?” he says lightly, but Dan sees the nervousness behind his smile. It softens him up a little. He is not the only one who is scared and unsure, it seems.

“No, I do want to,” he says, and wanders a little closer.

Phil smiles with his tongue caught between his teeth and Dan feels his heart melt.

The sky is darkening when they are seated, lifting higher and higher up. The sun is dipping down and it’s pink and gold all around. It’s _beautiful,_ enough to take his breath away. This is not something he could see in Reading. Or he could, maybe. But he is too afraid to walk out of his house and on the streets, alone and unguarded. There are shadows everywhere, and Dan is afraid of darkness.

He isn’t afraid now, he realizes, turns his head to look at Phil.

They are almost at the top, and Phil is already looking at him.

Behind them the sun has almost set, and it must be breathtaking - more than anything he would see in a while, perhaps. But he doesn’t care. He _couldn’t._ Not when Phil is looking at him like that, with eyes soft and warm and fond. Like he has sown the stars in the sky and named everything after Phil. Like he is something _worthwhile._

_Kiss me. **Phil.**_

_Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me -_

Phil puts his hand on his cheeks. Dan’s too afraid to move, too afraid to breathe. There’s something in his eyes, like he could read Dan’s mind or hear him speaking even when he doesn’t say anything.

“Dan,” he whispers.

The sky looks golden and so does Phil. Unreal. _Beautiful._ He wants to say so much but he doesn’t know _how._

So he kisses him instead.

He kisses him until all he could feel is the shape of his lips under his and the warmth of his palm cradling his cheek. He tastes like the wine they had in the Skybar a few hours back, and he tastes like something minty and warm and sweet. He tastes like home. 

“Phil,” he gasps when they break apart.

Phil kisses him again.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed! leave comments if you want! i love attention lmao


End file.
